I come from a family where curd rice (“thayir sadham”) with mango pickle (vadu manga) is considered staple diet. No amount of convincing that even a badly cooked chicken tikka tastes better than a well made brinjal curry could discourage their love for vegetarianism. Afternoons are normally spent talking about the engineering line that my three year old should pick up or about the latest entrants amongst my relatives into the marriage market and their possible pairing, the right fixed (with an emphasize on the “ed” in typical south Indian fashion) deposit schemes and on Sumathi’s dilemma. The last one is a character from a popular sun TV soap.
It was one of those afternoons where my son was going through his drill of weekly coaching of slogas that he can recite, songs that he can sing and on his ability to call out the English alphabets, a legacy left by our forefather’s the Britishers. He was confidently calling out Apple, Ball, Cat etc every time the alphabet card with a picture was pulled out…it was a treat for the entire family. Even as the recital performance was one, my grandfather in his characteristic 1960’s tone and English speaking style was like…see I told you he is a brilliant boy and will make the family proud…” and even before he could complete the sentence the “H” card with a picture of a hen was pulled out and Sashank confidently blurts out “Chicken”. There was a stunned silence, a grave sin has been committed , blasphemy indeed…and the entire family looks at me and in unison go like…see what you have done, Sashank said “chicken”!
It’s been a week since and I am still trying to get him to say…”H for Hen”
Friday, September 30, 2011
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
The perils of an admission process!
Did you check out the new gal that has joined ….Purple haze continues to rock man!, a tattoo on the right shoulder looks so kewl dude, did you check out this other gal that has joined…a matter of time, marriage and kid(s) before all of these conversations become a distant memory and you get to that point in life where most of your conversation revolves around “school admission”.
As frivolous as it sounds, this seemingly simple process has a lot of intricacies which the lesser mortals (read “happy” single men/women, SINK & DINK couples) fail to comprehend. Until recently I was completely oblivious to the thought of little Sashank having the need for a 14 year long education program; corporate experience has “gyaned” into me that some solid spreadsheet expertise and classy presentation skills with MS power point is all that it takes to “excel” in life and I was planning to let my son tread this path instead of going through the rigmarole of algebra, grammer, newton’s laws and kabir ke dohe. Of course, sensibility prevailed in the form of my wife and it took just one afternoon conversation to start preparing an illustrious list of “school” with pros and cons.
The next couple of weeks were really interesting. This is when it dawned into me that almost everyone in my apartment complex is only talking about schools. I realized this topic was always on, but in the past I only heard all that I wanted to hear. It is amazing, the interest and enthusiasm with which parents (most often the moms) talk about their analysis on schools. They go like…this school has a student to teachers to class room ratio of 18: 2.75: 3.015 and I reckon this is bloody good. And another one goes… this school starts IIT coaching from class 5 onwards and you are either guaranteed an admission into IIT or into a top school in the US. And as I hear all this, I go like…damn……why dint my parents think of all this…look what they did to me!
After all the analysis and paralysis, my odyssey into the first school admission process began. Kavita ensured I am well groomed, clad in a neatly ironed attire and hair well kempt so that when I present myself as a parent, I get an instant respect and possibly an admission as well. The last time I went so early only to stand in a long line of forlorn people is when I went for my US visa some ten years ago. To beg and plead for an “admission” into a place that does not hesitate much to show its displeasure in having you, comes naturally to me. I had rehearsed at least a hundred times on the hierarchy of classes- nursery to mont1 to mont 2 and in the most husky voice possible asked for an admission form to mont 1. And then followed it up with the obvious question (which is a strict protocol in this procedure)…my son would be 3 years and 10 months and 5 days and 20 hours at the time of admission – so will it be ok. The lady at the counter did some math in her head and followed it up with a half nod. I think the single most proof that the person you are in conversation with is least interested in you is if she responds with a half nod. I am ok with the full nod or even the blink of the eyes gesture…but half nod…huh! But here again having gotten used to this response from numerous women to whom I have expressed my “feelings”, I went ahead and picked up the admission form.
And there I was going over the admission form and what baffled me the most was this innocuous column that read “Parents salary”. I mean…really…I never thought I would be put in a predicament where I am forced to flaunt an embarrassing number in my life. I think there should be a protocol…two numbers that you should never ask one in a public forum – the salary and then the waist size. So, I went ahead put in this “number” and added a footnote – “salary hike expected very soon”. The footnote of course was put in with an honest effort to “better” the chances of an “admit”.
But really…a salary figure for an LKG admission! Boss…if you are reading this, please please …give me a good rating this year end. I think…it is just a matter of time before schools go like…am sorry, you have been an under performer this entire year and I am afraid I can’t give a nursery admission to your kid!
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As frivolous as it sounds, this seemingly simple process has a lot of intricacies which the lesser mortals (read “happy” single men/women, SINK & DINK couples) fail to comprehend. Until recently I was completely oblivious to the thought of little Sashank having the need for a 14 year long education program; corporate experience has “gyaned” into me that some solid spreadsheet expertise and classy presentation skills with MS power point is all that it takes to “excel” in life and I was planning to let my son tread this path instead of going through the rigmarole of algebra, grammer, newton’s laws and kabir ke dohe. Of course, sensibility prevailed in the form of my wife and it took just one afternoon conversation to start preparing an illustrious list of “school” with pros and cons.
The next couple of weeks were really interesting. This is when it dawned into me that almost everyone in my apartment complex is only talking about schools. I realized this topic was always on, but in the past I only heard all that I wanted to hear. It is amazing, the interest and enthusiasm with which parents (most often the moms) talk about their analysis on schools. They go like…this school has a student to teachers to class room ratio of 18: 2.75: 3.015 and I reckon this is bloody good. And another one goes… this school starts IIT coaching from class 5 onwards and you are either guaranteed an admission into IIT or into a top school in the US. And as I hear all this, I go like…damn……why dint my parents think of all this…look what they did to me!
After all the analysis and paralysis, my odyssey into the first school admission process began. Kavita ensured I am well groomed, clad in a neatly ironed attire and hair well kempt so that when I present myself as a parent, I get an instant respect and possibly an admission as well. The last time I went so early only to stand in a long line of forlorn people is when I went for my US visa some ten years ago. To beg and plead for an “admission” into a place that does not hesitate much to show its displeasure in having you, comes naturally to me. I had rehearsed at least a hundred times on the hierarchy of classes- nursery to mont1 to mont 2 and in the most husky voice possible asked for an admission form to mont 1. And then followed it up with the obvious question (which is a strict protocol in this procedure)…my son would be 3 years and 10 months and 5 days and 20 hours at the time of admission – so will it be ok. The lady at the counter did some math in her head and followed it up with a half nod. I think the single most proof that the person you are in conversation with is least interested in you is if she responds with a half nod. I am ok with the full nod or even the blink of the eyes gesture…but half nod…huh! But here again having gotten used to this response from numerous women to whom I have expressed my “feelings”, I went ahead and picked up the admission form.
And there I was going over the admission form and what baffled me the most was this innocuous column that read “Parents salary”. I mean…really…I never thought I would be put in a predicament where I am forced to flaunt an embarrassing number in my life. I think there should be a protocol…two numbers that you should never ask one in a public forum – the salary and then the waist size. So, I went ahead put in this “number” and added a footnote – “salary hike expected very soon”. The footnote of course was put in with an honest effort to “better” the chances of an “admit”.
But really…a salary figure for an LKG admission! Boss…if you are reading this, please please …give me a good rating this year end. I think…it is just a matter of time before schools go like…am sorry, you have been an under performer this entire year and I am afraid I can’t give a nursery admission to your kid!
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