Was watching a sit com the other day and there was this scene where the guy proposes to the gal. I love the way the Westerns go about their business…guy slips the ring in a glass of champagne…gal notices just when she is about to drink and goes like Oh my God!...guy gets on his knees, says a couple of “punch” dialogues and follows it up with…Will you marry me! And even before gal could answer, the rest of the people in the restaurant stop eating their food and go congratulate the couple. Classic! Isn’t it.
Now, I think about how it worked for me…there were about six people staring into the monitor and my uncle goes like…”I think you should go for profile number F345654. And my grand mom adds in…yes, she can not only sing but dance as well. Ya… India is the world’s largest democracy…almost everyone had a say on which gal I should marry…my mom, grand mom, niece, nephew and also my next door aunty.
The profile write up, which goes on to the website, is a critical step in this process. I told my dad…ya..I want to get married, but let’s be discrete on my profile. So, my profile read…”Bangalore boy, earning a handsome salary (ya…if the boy is not handsome, you can effectively use this adjective to describe the money he makes) working for a leading FMCG, that makes your skin whiter and your shirt brighter, is looking for a suitable gal…”. The next day when I went to work, I felt like a jack ass, with all my colleagues laughing at me. In case you are wondering how they got to know…those days we did not have facebook…so matrimony.com was the only substitute.
What follows this profile upload is what I call as the “half hour” meeting. So, in thirty minutes, you will have to decide if you are ready to spend the rest of your life with this person. It is amazing how the propensity to flirt with a girl drastically diminishes when you are evaluating if she can be your wife. This meeting is the like viva voce that we used to have during our lab exams. You go all well prepared for a standard set of questions, but then sometimes the “natural you” comes out. There was this gal that asked me…so what are your interests?” And I said…”Women”. She got so offended that she complained to her parents, who in turn complained to two other families. This simple incident in fact cost me two “profiles” in the pipeline. And there was this other gal that rejected me because I looked too young and immediately my mom goes like…”look what your hair cut has done”. You know, this is quite a chauvinistic process, where the gal folks are not “allowed” to say no. So, they come up with one of the two accepted substitutes – the gal wants to do higher studies or the gal is being sent on an on-site assignment. It is amazing, the number of gals that either got enthused into higher studies or got an opportunity for an on-site assignment immediately after meeting me. I must have been sending out some anti-marital vibes. But, what upset me the most about these meetings was that almost always I ended up footing the bill. It was like some kinda promo in town…have a half hour meeting with Rajesh…and earn a free dinner.
After all the huff and puff, the big day of marriage arrives. And for some reason in our custom, which can only be best explained by the guy who came up with this idea, the groom is made to sit top less with hundreds of people looking at him. What kinda set up is this...I wonder! Ok…who am I to question age old rituals…but the only thing I was looking forward to and here again influenced by western culture…I was really hoping that after the garland exchange ritual, the priest would go like…”ok Rajesh, you may now kiss the bride”. That would have been something. Isn’t it!
1 comment:
hey there... long time!!! :) how are you?
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